The hardest job you’ll ever love.

Someone, somewhere coined that phrase about peace corps. Ask the me of 3 weeks ago and I’d agree. But that was lifetimes ago, and I find myself realizing it’s certainly not the “job” I love. The job is a job…is a job. I go to work. I come home from work. I worry about work. I’m frustrated by work. I could do that anywhere in the world. Not to mention, I work for the united states government and though we are buffered from most things “political,” everything else that u might imagine going along with working for the government, well, does. No, no, it’s not the work.

I thought maybe it was the adventure. New and exotic. Places to explore. Doing something different. The foreignness of it all. The delicate balance between altruism and hedonism that only other peace corps volunteers could ever understand. Quickly though, I realized that adventure could turn hostile.

Nicaragua quickly turned hostile. Without going into the details of accusations, investigations, and interrogations, the adventure turned nightmarish, and I felt like I just was not wanted here anymore. It was something I never, in all of my dreams of a peace corps future, could have imagined. Things seemed to be crumbling.

Then the ground fell out beneath me, and your finding me here in this blog, still falling. I’ll reassure for friends and family at home that my physical wellbeing is fine. Unfortunately, for a variety of different reasons, several members of my peace corps group, Nica50, including some of my closest friends (not just from Nicaragua, but in the world, in the universe) are now back stateside. It hurts how much I miss and worry about some of them. We were, we are family.

I wish that everyone and no one had to realize what I did.

I realized it was the people that make this experience everything that it is. Oh, “duh” you say. So I wont delve into the mushy or obvious. This is a realization of the luck I have in my life to have the strongest, funniest, greatest, prettiest, most wonderful friends. Period (written out for emphasis). I’d put my group of friends up against any of yours. Any day.

So if I had to, or decided to end my experience here in Nicaragua earlier than expected, I’d leave with that.

Now im back in Jinotega, where nothing has changed really, but everything feels different. And I will leave you to navigate the labyrinth of this truly nebulous blog as I navigate that of regaining the faith I once had in what I was doing. Suerte.

rapid fire run down...

of work, fun, frustrations, nicaland, etc.

- Entrepreneurship classes at the high school are going...maybe not well but going. there isnt much sanctity to class time in nicaragua, so my students are about a month behind in our course due to: earth day, mothers day, international day of the book, international women's day, impromptu teacher conferences, census work, rain, etc. but the kids are hilarious and im happy to be there catching them up.
- Intro to small business classes with my adult students...fun, fine, will end in july and i think i'll have lots more free time.
- just started taking aerobics classes at a gym in jinotega with my sitemate lauren, a new PC health volunteer. every weeknight from 630 to 730 i am witness to the hilarity of a 20 something, hot shot instructor high kicking and flexing while 20 or so nica women try desperately to follow along. semi-required attire for the class:

- finishing up a 2 month marketing workshop with a group of university students at an NGO in town. group started at 8, now we're down to 2. cant complain to much tho, if those two keep showing up, so will i. they have requested a human resources workshop next, we shall see.
- it's rainy season now, flies and mosquitoes, and therefore diarrhea and dengue are out in full force. aside from one wrenching and retching 24 hours spent in my bathroom, i have been spared the worst of it. at least the rain has brightened the mountains to a lovely hue of green once again after the brown summer months.
- starting what looks to be a promising business advising project wit nt women who come into the bigger cities to give birth at the hospitals. they provide them with a place to sleep, some food, and education sessions on things such a sexual rights, domestic violence, breast feeding, etc.) they are looking to start some new income generating activities and im gonna try to make sure they arent losing money in the process.
- the new small business peace corps group arrived about a month ago, weird to not be the new kid in town anymore. been contemplating this 1 year in country mark a lot lately. its a crappy place to be at first. asking what have i done? what can i do? did i really do that? whered my sanity run off to? but its also a nice little accomplishment, and i do believe year two will be just as delightful and delirious as the first.
- went back to america to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday. got to see friends and family and it was just the most wonderful :)

- still teaching a wonderful little weekly english class to a group of 6 university students. last week we played simon says to practice the body parts.